This weekend I performed in my first dance recital ever! Yes, it is a little weird being 26 and saying that. But it got me thinking of why I dance, or even perform anything at all. I was standing backstage watching all these young boys and girls rehearsing their steps and jumping out their jitters, and it made me think of all the time they have. I am 26, I am never going to be a great dancer, my time is up. I don't want to live the life of an actor, auditioning everyday just to be told "thanks for coming." I don't want to be a singer because I have zero confidence in my voice...so why do I do this?
It boils down to the way it makes me feel. That rush of happiness and excitement when I am onstage is outstanding. The energy from a audience that 'gets it." The way my emotions can attach themselves to a story over and over again. Even listening to soundtracks in my car an getting chills. There's nothing else like it.
My boss at Starbucks always asks me how much I get paid for these shows I do, and his business mind cannot comprehend the amount of pay in relation to the time committed. But it is never about that, it makes me happy, it makes me feel like I am giving something to myself and to others. I feel I have a purpose.
Bare is a show that I believed in, and I would have been glad to be just a glow-stick at the rave. I am very thankful that I get a voice in this show and can bring it to this town, where we still have a lot of growing to do with this topic.
When I was growing up, my mother told my grandma that I was gonna be the "artsy"type. Making her living as a piano player, my grandma replied, "Well, if it's in you, it's in you." I think that pretty much sums it up.
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